This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
can you imagine what would happen if arthur weasley discovered google
The Harry Potter books are set in the early 90’s. I bet that he discovered the Internet around 2000, and was captivated. He probably spent years getting the Ministry to adopt wi-fi, and now he spends his lunch breaks perusing Wikipedia. At home he has a state-of-the-art computer rig with like four massive monitors and he marathons “How It’s Made” on Netflix.
If ur feeling small today I dare you to sit up straighter, look someone who scares u directly in the eye, take up room at the dinner table, make yourself bigger, when ‘sorry’ laps at the back of your tongue, tries to pick up after you, remind yourself that your existence doesn’t demand an apology, that you are allowed to make mess and take up space, do not be afraid to expand. Every single goddamn minute. Expand, expand, expand
i needed this today
hoska showed me this and I immediately knew
Daily Show correspondent Michael Che tries to find a safe place to report from.
- robert downey jr. can sing
- jeremy renner can sing
- scarlett johannson can sing
- chris evans can sing
- mark ruffalo can sing
- chris hemsworth can sing
- tom hiddleston can sing
joss whedon, where is my avengers musical. i know you’ve got it in you. and i know you want it just as bad as i do. i sincerely hope that was part of the contract you just signed.
PUT THAT SHAWARMA BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM OR SO HELP ME
I HAVE TO REBLOG THIS AGAIN FOR THAT LINE OMG
I’M FUCKING SCREAMING OMGGGGGG THE TIME HAS COME FOR THE 90S TO ROMANTICIZED BY NON-90S KIDS FUCK
I feel like a legend.
I was alive through the 90’s and LET ME TELL YOU…
Yay we’re now the greatest generation!… Despite having Vanilla Ice
I feel old now.
Reblog if you respect sex workers including women who work in porn, and will support them in their work.
Please restore my faith a little.
I do NOT mean excusing the wrongs and abuse that goes on within these industries. I mean supporting sex workers and their agency, and supporting them in their choices.
Reblog if no matter if you have 50,000 or 50 followers, you appreciate every single one. Reblog if you appreciate the messages you get, whether it’s 100 or 1. Reblog if a little smile comes across your face everytime you see a new follower or message. Reblog if even though most of us aren’t tumblr famous, we appreciate the little things.